Finding My Why.
For most of my life I did what was expected of me. When I was heading to college and figuring out what I wanted to major in, I made a promise to myself… to choose a career where I can help people. I got a degree in Marketing, worked various jobs in my field in several industries… Probably like many people, the start of the COVID-19 pandemic gave me the opportunity to reassess life and my place in the world. I had a lot of interest in health and wellness so I decided to enrolled in an online course to become a health coach. While that piqued my interest, it felt like there was something missing. I couldn’t place it, but when I left each job either of my own volition or due to layoffs, I felt an overwhelming sense of relief. Was I grateful for the opportunities I had? Absolutely! Did I enjoy some of the people I worked with? Yes. Did I learn a lot? Again, yes.
On 2/22/22 I experienced my first layoff. Wild how the universe works sometimes… I was unsure of what I wanted to do, whether I change industries or pursue a different career. I chose the latter. And in the four years since? I learned a lot about myself… and, more importantly, what I was and was not willing to accept.
In 2023, I left a job that I loved, due to layoffs. It was a sad moment because I loved my team, it was one of few times I felt seen and valued for the work I did. This was also the job where my friend and coworker suggested I enroll in a class with Birthing Advocacy Doula Trainings (BADT) to become a Full Spectrum Doula. This was something new and exciting. Something I never really considered as an option for myself. I enrolled, took the class but didn’t pursue certification…. But I knew I’d come back to it. I spent that summer living my best life, applying to jobs, going to shows with friends, traveling internationally for the first time and it truly felt like life couldn’t get better.
When I got back from my trip, I took a job where my reality shifted and I spent my days justifying every choice I made with very little support. The whole time I was thinking “I can’t keep doing this, there has to be something better out there.” When I enrolled again with BADT, I truly did not know when or if I would have the time to pursue my FSD certification again, but that little voice in my head told me, “if not now, when?”
My team at work was growing and the pressure lessened, but I was burnt out. The kind of tired that you feel deep. It wasn’t until I was laid off that I felt a wave of relief come over me. I was able to fully focus and realign myself to my higher purpose, being a healer and working in my community. I’m doing this for my mother, grandmother, aunts, friends, and every woman and birthing person I have yet to meet.
This journey has also been the perfect reminder that we as humans do not have to do or be only one thing in this life. If a path is no longer serving you, pivot. Becoming a doula was the puzzle piece I was missing, and now the border of my puzzle is complete. All the pieces that complete the picture are coming together in the most surprising, beautiful ways. I can’t believe I’m living the life I have now and there’s so much more to come.
